Back in June of 2010, I launched Ken’s Back Home blog with the following words:
Life is all we have, Love is all we’re here for.
All the rest is just echoes in the well…
Thus began my first post, entitled “Well, What Do You Know“. In it I recounted a major shift in my spiritual perception which informs much of what I write about here.
That’s not exactly how it happened. Let me back up a bit here. Actually, the very first thing I posted – which I deleted two days later – opened with this thought:
Every journey begins with the first step
(So does falling off a cliff…)
That post, entitled “Go For It”, was about how I had been waffling for three months about starting a blog, so I was finally doing it, but I wasn’t sure if anyone would ever read it, and blah blah blah blah blah. I made several major revisions to it before I finally got up the gumption to post it. And I did post it.
After living with it a couple of days, I decided it was just stupid and blew it away. I replaced it with “Well, What Do You Know“, because I figured the words “Life is all we have, Love is all we’re here for” would be a more upbeat beginning to my blog than that business about falling off a cliff.
Shortly after that, I added an “About” page. I liked it, but I never thought it actually explained what the blog was about. I revised it at least a dozen times. Finally I blew it away and replaced it with an earlier “About” page I had previously planned to use with the “Go For It” post (which I deleted). It was okay, but I still didn’t think it introduced the blog very well. Now it’s gone, and the “About the Blog” you see today is a composite of the best ideas from those first two attempts, and finally says what this thing is all about (I think).
Now you know the wobbly, wishy-washy, ambivalent and reluctant beginnings of Ken’s Back Home blog. It was a pretty rough start. Sort of like that scene in Bambi where he’s just learning to walk, but his legs keep sliding out from under him. I never was quite sure why I should be writing a blog. Was I on a “Mission From God”, or just trying to make sense of my changing perceptions? Maybe it was just something fun to do. I didn’t have the slightest idea. I just knew somehow I had to do it. And guess what? I did it.
After twelve months of blogging, it’s time to take inventory. Should I keep this up? Has it been worth the trouble? Or more trouble than it’s worth?
Well, my readership is not exactly up to the level of the New York Times. But folks do stop by every once in a while to check out what I have to say. Some have even left comments (and I really love to get comments hint hint). I’m also starting to get more spam (which I really don’t love to get hint hint). But maybe more spam is another sign the blog is growing. Even if it’s downright annoying.
A year later, the wobbly, wishy-washy, ambivalent reluctance continues. Not a day goes by I don’t wonder why I don’t quit this nonsense. I’ve gotten frustrated and discouraged many times along the way. Almost gave up on the whole thing more than once. But every time I think I’m ready to shut it down, something convinces me not to. That’s why I’m still here – revising, changing, trying new things.
I’m still not sure if I’ve started some grand journey or fallen off a cliff. A little of both, I suppose. But who cares? I still get a kick out of it. Right now, I think I’ll just keep on going.
Even if I never do figure out what the heck I’m doing.